you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
