im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
