so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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