"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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