Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
