Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she pinky promised me she was 18
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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