I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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