no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
