it's like her boobs came off with her bra
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
