so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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