I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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