I'm so fucking centered right now
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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