You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
