remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
