I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
