I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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