She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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