You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
