The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
