dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
