i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
