I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
