dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
