So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
