I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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