I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
