My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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