i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
