I'm gonna have a badass scar
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
