She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
