HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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