We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
