I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
