Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
