apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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