The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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