It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
