I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
