I'm lost and stupid without you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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