there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
