Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
