you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
