God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
