i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
