Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
