It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
