I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
