My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
