woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You have to summon your inner elephant
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
