people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
