I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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