chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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